Friday, June 3, 2011

High School Soon

     Today I had my eighth grade meeting.  It's a thing that my school does for each 8th grader before high school: you meet with your parents and guidance counselor, and you discuss things like what classes your good at, what classes you want to take freshman year, and what you like to do.  It's almost like a pre-pre-pre interview for college.  Mine went okay, but it was kind of pointless.  Ms. Holly, my guidance counselor, was totally into it, as she really likes me.  But I already signed up for classes when I took the tour of the high school.  There are only five days left of middle school for me.  Yikes!
     I am going to be skipping 8th grade, so the meeting was really a waste of time.  But Ms. Holly wanted me to have it to tie up some loose ends before the start of summer, and I always want to make her happy.  Plus, it got me out of first period.
     I am not very nervous about skipping.  I have more friends in 8th grade then I do in 7th, so I'll have people to talk too and everything.  I do think that this will be a very good thing for me.  The school kept having to rewrite curriculum for me, and I was getting tired of just sitting in class not learning much.  I really like my teachers, and I know that they have to teach large classes.  They can't do everything for me.  That's why I'm glad I'm skipping.  My goal for the new school year is to be as organized as possible.  My friend Melody, who is something of a neat freak, says that she can help me if  I need it.  And  I need it!
     About a month ago I took a private tour of the high school.  My town's high school is the best in the county, and that's the main reason why people keep moving here.  The high school is Huge, seriously Huge, and I have no idea how I'm going to navigate my way around it.  But I'll have my 9th grade friend Rena to help me.  She says it's easy once you get used to it.  I'll just have to trust her on that one.  Soon, I'll post pictures of the high school.  I can't wait to be a freshman, for many reasons.  I know that they have a gay/straight alliance, and Rena told me that unlike at the middle school, you don't get beat up at the high school for being gay.  Ms.  Holly said that they have lots of volunteer stuff at the high school.  I am going to miss Ms Holly.  She really has been a huge help this past year.  But I'll still get to see her.
     Readers, have any of you advice for a soon-to-be-freshman?  Did any of you ever skip a grade?  If so, how was it?  Awkward?  Funny?  Do you have any tips?  Feel free to comment below.  Just:
  •    Keep it clean, please.  Profanity is called "dirty" for a reason.
  • If you do not agree, please express your opinion.  Just, please, remember that everyone has their own version of the truth.  Respect that.
  • Use proper grammar, if possible.  I don't know what "rehoheh" means.
  • Let your voice be heard!!

The Old Soul Child

The Old Soul Child

Yesterday, I woman I know called me an “old soul.”  What is an old soul?  A person who’s wisdom comes from deep within?  I don’t know if you’d call what I’ve got “wisdom”, exactly, but there is something, I’ll admit that.  People look up to me. 
          I do try to be a person worth looking up to.  But sometimes it’s hard to be brave all of the time.  I just need to be a normal human being sometimes.  I can’t always fix everyone’s problems, as much as I would like too.  I know that I am very young, but I feel Something Different.  I think – I know – that I was put on this Earth, in this place and time, for a very specific reason.  I don’t know exactly what that reason is right now.  Some days I can almost taste it, yet sometimes I feel absolutely clueless. All I can do is trust, I guess.
          Now, don’t get me wrong, here.  I am a more spiritual person than religious, but I do think that some Higher Power is guiding me towards something Earth-shattering.  I don’t want people to take me as some crazy religious kid.  But I honestly believe that I have a purpose on Earth.  Is that so wrong?  I have people who really believe in me, who tell me that I could be a person who moves mountains.  I always have this kind of global-outlook.  I have this fixation - obsession, almost – with solving all of the world’s problems.  I know that I can’t be everybody’s hero, but I do want to do as many positive things in my lifetime as possible.  Helping people is my passion and my life’s work. It’s something I really think I am supposed to do in this life.
          So now you know what drives me.  It’s like I am groping around in the dark, with only a rope to guide me.  But I do feel like I am coming closer.

I wrote this poem a while ago.  I wanted to include it.  Sometimes I feel very scared by the idea that I have a big duty.  Its like – Whoa!  How am I supposed to change the world?  It’s also about a feeling of fraud.  Sometimes I don’t want people to trust me so much, because what if I’m not really anything special?  What if I let them all down?  Anyway, I hope you enjoy Lockbox.




Lockbox

A noise
Meant for you and you alone
A condescending promise
Reviling unstained truth
Do you think I can’t hear you?
Crying to me
Soothing my senses
Numbing deep pain

Crawling, screaming
Something fierce in my chest
Shinning from my fingers
Bubbling out my soul

All I ask is quiet
All I want is an end.
I’m ready
I know

Yet doubt squeezes my heart.
Chilling panic raises.
Can it be over?
Have I yet paid my dues?

A haunting,
A lingering breath on paper,
A howling for mercy.
Pleading:
Please save me
Believe in me
Don’t trust me

Torment me by searching
Wipe my tears away
Close my lips.
I pray; lie to me.
Evoke false hope

Pass in a hall,
My goodnight kiss to
Lock safe a promise
Who do you trust?

Cry, mourn for me
Refuse me
Shake my senseless
Fill me again
Cross your hands where I can’t see

Make me hate you
Make me forget myself
Stab my tattling heart
Comfort my shaking hands
Grip my wrists tight
Lead me to my demise
Whisper in my ear and pass the key

Demand composure
Calm my every fear
Show me my duty, my destiny
Make me glad to bruise

Make me bow to you, my prince
I follow you
I bless the chain that binds us together
I’m yours to catch, yours to throw

Lead me to infinite blackness
Force up my chin when I’m weak
Caress a stubborn jaw
Gently point out my role

Show my duty
Press for more than enough
Trip me, trick me
Never leave my side
Grip my hand
Crush my breath
Push out my life
Yet leave naught a stain